Beyond Permission : Agency & Self-efficacy in Wellbeing

Without self-efficacy, agency is easily lost. Because recognising our freedom to choose is one thing. Trusting ourselves to act on it is another.

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There is a well-known parable about a young elephant that is tied to a heavy chain. At first, it resists, pulling and straining against the restraint; but over time, the animal stops trying. Even as it grows into an adult, strong enough to break free, it remains exactly where it is. The elephant does not test its strength anymore. It believes escape is impossible.

Many of us live the same way. Held back, not by real barriers, but by beliefs that tell us we cannot move forward without permission. We wait for signs, for approval, for the reassurance that it is acceptable to take the next step. But who are we waiting for?

Why Do We Seek Permission?

From early on in life, we are taught that everything requires approval. Parents, teachers, and authority figures set the rules, guiding us through childhood. In many ways, this is necessary. Children need structure. Yet, even as we grow older, this habit lingers, shaping how we make decisions and whether we take action at all.

We hesitate before making changes, unsure if we are allowed to step outside the lines. We look around for validation, waiting for someone to tell us it is the right time. Sometimes, we do not even realise we are waiting. The belief is so ingrained that it feels natural. But this habit comes at a cost.

Relying on external permission weakens agency. Instead of shaping our lives, we react to circumstances, waiting for direction instead of choosing a path. It also fuels self-doubt. If we always seek approval, we risk believing our own judgment is not enough. Over time, this leads to stagnation, keeping us in situations that no longer serve us.

Reclaiming Agency: Taking Ownership of Our Choices

Imagine two people facing the same difficult situation. One sees it as an opportunity to make a decision, to take control of what comes next. The other feels stuck, waiting for circumstances to change before they can move forward. The difference is not what happens to them, but how much agency they believe they have.

One of my favourite pieces of research on agency is an oldie, but I like it because of its simplicity. In the 1970s, a series of studies with nursing home residents revealed something important. Those who were given small choices (i.e. whether to care for a plant, which movie to watch etc…) showed higher engagement, better health, and even lived longer than those who had everything decided for them [1,2].

The findings may seem obvious, but that is precisely why they are so impactful. You see, even the smallest sense of control changes how we experience the world.

Note that agency is not about big decisions or controlling everything. Instead, it is about recognising that, while we cannot dictate every event in life, we can choose how we respond to them.

So how do we cultivate this?

• Make decisions. Even small ones! Choosing for ourselves, rather than waiting for approval, reinforces self-trust.

Each choice, no matter how small, is a step toward reclaiming agency. The more we choose, the more we decide, the more we prove to ourselves that we are capable of … well thinking for ourselves. And with each decision made on our own terms, the need for permission fades.

Self-Efficacy: The Belief That You Can

Taking ownership of our choices is one thing, but believing we can follow through is another! It is one thing to recognise that we do not need permission, but it is another to act on it with confidence. This is where self-efficacy comes in.

Psychologist Albert Bandura found that the strongest predictor of action was not intelligence, background, or success. It was self-efficacy [3]. This is the belief that we can influence our own outcomes, even when faced with uncertainty.

People with high self-efficacy trust their ability to figure things out, even if they do not feel fully prepared. They approach challenges with a problem-solving mindset. Those with low self-efficacy, on the other hand, hesitate, convinced they lack what it takes before they even begin.

Without self-efficacy, agency is easily lost. Because, as stated previously, embracing our freedom to choose is one thing. Trusting ourselves to act on it is another. But confidence doesn’t preced action. Then, as I said before in a previous post:

• Take action before you feel ready. Confidence grows through experience, not before it.

• Reframe failure as learning. Every attempt strengthens the belief that you can handle setbacks.

• Focus on past wins. Remind yourself of times you figured things out, even when you doubted yourself.

The more we act, the more we see ourselves as capable and the more our self-efficacy increases. In turn, we stop seeking permission, we start proving to ourselves that we never needed it.

Breaking the Invisible Chain

Our little elephant learns not to pull against the rope. Sadly, it stops testing its strength. Many of us do the same. We wait, convinced that someone or something must grant us permission before we act. But in most cases, the barrier is not real. It is mostly a habit we have never questioned.

Agency does not come from permission. It comes from within. And self-efficacy is not built through waiting. It is built through doing.

Perhaps it is time to test your strength.

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Reference List:
Please refer to the in-text references, where sources are directly linked.

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This post is part of the Kaleidoscope March Challenge, exploring the theme of Permission. Organised by:

Mark

&

Moon Arica